The Sound of Joy!
On May 12, 2006, at 4:28 pm, Emma Josephine was born, and our new life together began.
To my baby girl, this is how it happened...
At 2:24 in the morning, I woke to a pop. Not quite sound, not quite physical feeling, somehow I woke knowing something had just happened. As was my habit late in the pregnancy any time I woke up at night, I got up and went to the bathroom, to discover that something felt funny. I wasn't really sure though, probably couldn't quite believe it might be time yet, so I tried to go back to bed. But then I started thinking, what if this was it? Suddenly I didn't like the coming home outfit for you that was already packed, so I got up and started going through all your little clothes, ripping off tags and putting in a whole load of laundry so everything would be clean for you. At some point, as I was sitting on the floor of your room sorting and feeling a trickle, it really sank in that this was the day. I would be a mom so soon... This time I went back to bed and just let that realization sink in, flowing through me and filling me with warmth and even more love. I waited a little while longer, treasuring that feeling and hugging you close in my belly. I started to feel the contractions, tightenings of my belly that didn't really hurt at first (though soon enough they would). Then, around 4 am I woke up your dad to tell him. We stayed there in bed in the warm dark, holding each other and trying to imagine how much our lives would be different by the end of the day.
There are so many things I want you to know here at the beginning of your life. Most importantly, you are loved. You were loved, even before you were born. You father and I hoped for you, prayed for you, and shared all the joys and fears throughout my pregnancy. Your grandparents loved you too - you Pop-pop even wrote you letters! We called you "HB" because you were just a heartbeat to us in those first months. I loved being pregnant, too. Even though I was sick for the first months, I wouldn't change a minute of that time. I would wait impatiently for each time I got to see the OB and hear your heart or see your shape on the ultrasound - I called doctor's appointments "dates" with you! Your dad even got us a doppler for Christmas so we could listen to your heart at home. I would cry just a little from so much joy every time we listened...
On December 22, I felt you move for the first time. Of course, you were probably moving long before that,but I remember that moment I felt you so clearly. I was sitting in your dad's office on the couch, and it was just a touch, just for a moment. I wasn't sure, and I didn't say anything, hugging that hope close. It took a few days to feel you again, and so long between times... Later, thinking back on it would remind me of the poem "The Raven" - "suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door". I don't know why I thought of Poe, but it just fit. God, I loved you even more then! I suppose the rest is here from that point, recorded in this blog for you as time went on.
Now, having you with us, you are our daily joy. The moment they placed you in my arms at the hospital I realized I hadn't even begun to know how much I could love. You were so tiny, so perfect. Our baby. Our miracle. Watching your father hold you tight, I knew how very blessed we are. Now, sleeping in my arms, nursing, smiling up at me as we dance - there isn't any moment I would miss for the world. I don't have all the words yet to describe your life yet and the way you make us feel. That just might take a lifetime! I'll just say that nothing in my life has ever been so amazing. I love you, Emma.
"She's constantly amazed by the blades of the fan in the ceiling.
Those clever little looks she gives just can't help but be appealing.
She loves to ride into town with the top down,
feel that warm breeze on her gentle skin.
She is my next of kin.
I see of a little more of me every day.
I catch a little more mustache turning grey.
Your mother is the only other woman for me.
Little miss magic, whatcha gonna be?
Little miss magic, just can't wait to see..."
Jimmy Buffett
"Little Miss Magic"
To my baby girl, this is how it happened...
At 2:24 in the morning, I woke to a pop. Not quite sound, not quite physical feeling, somehow I woke knowing something had just happened. As was my habit late in the pregnancy any time I woke up at night, I got up and went to the bathroom, to discover that something felt funny. I wasn't really sure though, probably couldn't quite believe it might be time yet, so I tried to go back to bed. But then I started thinking, what if this was it? Suddenly I didn't like the coming home outfit for you that was already packed, so I got up and started going through all your little clothes, ripping off tags and putting in a whole load of laundry so everything would be clean for you. At some point, as I was sitting on the floor of your room sorting and feeling a trickle, it really sank in that this was the day. I would be a mom so soon... This time I went back to bed and just let that realization sink in, flowing through me and filling me with warmth and even more love. I waited a little while longer, treasuring that feeling and hugging you close in my belly. I started to feel the contractions, tightenings of my belly that didn't really hurt at first (though soon enough they would). Then, around 4 am I woke up your dad to tell him. We stayed there in bed in the warm dark, holding each other and trying to imagine how much our lives would be different by the end of the day.
There are so many things I want you to know here at the beginning of your life. Most importantly, you are loved. You were loved, even before you were born. You father and I hoped for you, prayed for you, and shared all the joys and fears throughout my pregnancy. Your grandparents loved you too - you Pop-pop even wrote you letters! We called you "HB" because you were just a heartbeat to us in those first months. I loved being pregnant, too. Even though I was sick for the first months, I wouldn't change a minute of that time. I would wait impatiently for each time I got to see the OB and hear your heart or see your shape on the ultrasound - I called doctor's appointments "dates" with you! Your dad even got us a doppler for Christmas so we could listen to your heart at home. I would cry just a little from so much joy every time we listened...
On December 22, I felt you move for the first time. Of course, you were probably moving long before that,but I remember that moment I felt you so clearly. I was sitting in your dad's office on the couch, and it was just a touch, just for a moment. I wasn't sure, and I didn't say anything, hugging that hope close. It took a few days to feel you again, and so long between times... Later, thinking back on it would remind me of the poem "The Raven" - "suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door". I don't know why I thought of Poe, but it just fit. God, I loved you even more then! I suppose the rest is here from that point, recorded in this blog for you as time went on.
Now, having you with us, you are our daily joy. The moment they placed you in my arms at the hospital I realized I hadn't even begun to know how much I could love. You were so tiny, so perfect. Our baby. Our miracle. Watching your father hold you tight, I knew how very blessed we are. Now, sleeping in my arms, nursing, smiling up at me as we dance - there isn't any moment I would miss for the world. I don't have all the words yet to describe your life yet and the way you make us feel. That just might take a lifetime! I'll just say that nothing in my life has ever been so amazing. I love you, Emma.
"She's constantly amazed by the blades of the fan in the ceiling.
Those clever little looks she gives just can't help but be appealing.
She loves to ride into town with the top down,
feel that warm breeze on her gentle skin.
She is my next of kin.
I see of a little more of me every day.
I catch a little more mustache turning grey.
Your mother is the only other woman for me.
Little miss magic, whatcha gonna be?
Little miss magic, just can't wait to see..."
Jimmy Buffett
"Little Miss Magic"
posted by me at 5:06 AM
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