week 2 back to work
(excepted from an email to my breastfeeding support friends)
So, week number two of full time work winds to a close… I hope this finds you all well and still happily home! I suppose this week has been easier, although it seems like I have a new emotion every two hours. Most importantly, Emma seems to be doing great. She smiles so often and laughs and she's got this new mischievous look that I love. It's sortof lopsided and she turns her head just a bit like she's shy and I just know in a year or two it's going to mean trouble! She's still eating as much as I can make and more - difficult to decide if it's more growth or just a new pattern - but she's wonderfully pudgy and playful and active and the formula doesn't seem to trouble her, so I'm learning to just relax and go with it. I've gotten to where when I pump, instead of worrying about whether it's too little or not, with every squeeze I think how this is another mouthful she won't have to drink of formula. Sortof like they said about breastfeeding at first - a day is better than none, a week is better than a day, three months is better than one… Whatever comes out is better than formula. So far the psychology of that seems to be working! :)
Getting used to the au pair is a different story. Again, Emma seems to be doing well with her. She never seems distressed in the mornings when I leave (as long as I smile - she doesn't seem to notice if the smile is a bit watery!), and when I get home in the evenings she's happy. Yesterday I got home and she was asleep. When she woke up she of course started to cry, but as soon as she saw me this huge smile lit up her face. Moments like that make everything worth it! Still, I watch like the mama bear that we all are, and I check her every day for rashes and mysterious bumps or bruises, and I search her face anxiously for any other possible signs of unhappiness. I do like the au pair, but admittedly it's not so easy getting used to having someone else living with us and getting to spend more time with Emma than I do. It's rewarding to know she's well-cared for when I see her smiling at the au pair, but there's also that stab of envy, especially when the au pair does something to make her laugh that I didn't know. This morning even Emma was all smiles with me, but when I left her with the au pair to get dressed, I could hear them "talking", and it was really like Emma was having a conversation with her! She was babbling and giggling. Made me want to throw my pajamas back on and play hooky and never leave the house again! On the flip side I suppose it's good, Emma gets exposed to other games and things that in truth the au pair has more experience at, just hard to watch. The au pair already promised that she basically wouldn't tell me if Emma did anything really dramatic (like walking) so that whenever she does it for me and my hsuband it will be (for us) the first time. The au pair told me the other day that someone at the grocery store mistook Emma for hers, and since they offered her a baby dicsount card she happily let the mistake go. She asked me later if I minded someone thinking Emma was hers. Even as I rationally said no, especially if she got discounts for it, my heart was screaming "Yes! Of course I mind!" That's MY baby! In some ways I think it's good that we're only planning to have the au pair for about 6 months. It gives Emma a great start, but I don't know if I could really manage having someone else make such a deep impression on her. I hear these stories of other families where the au pair was practically part of the family and stayed with them for years and years, and I can't imagine it. I just don't think I could do that.
Anyway, I suppose I have digressed far from the topic of breastfeeding, but it's all wrapped up together for me this week. Did have the experience yesterday of having to pump for the first time from an office not my own. I had a meeting across town for the day, so off I went with my little black backpack… After some awkwardness (mostly on my part), a kindly contact there donated his office for the cause. I find that surprisingly most people I've dealt with now have been supportive - it's mostly just me that feels weird asking! Did OK though, and probably every encounter like that will make me more confident doing this.
Funny, I've noticed that talking about Emma and breastfeeding tends to make me have letdown… In other words, time to go pump!
So, week number two of full time work winds to a close… I hope this finds you all well and still happily home! I suppose this week has been easier, although it seems like I have a new emotion every two hours. Most importantly, Emma seems to be doing great. She smiles so often and laughs and she's got this new mischievous look that I love. It's sortof lopsided and she turns her head just a bit like she's shy and I just know in a year or two it's going to mean trouble! She's still eating as much as I can make and more - difficult to decide if it's more growth or just a new pattern - but she's wonderfully pudgy and playful and active and the formula doesn't seem to trouble her, so I'm learning to just relax and go with it. I've gotten to where when I pump, instead of worrying about whether it's too little or not, with every squeeze I think how this is another mouthful she won't have to drink of formula. Sortof like they said about breastfeeding at first - a day is better than none, a week is better than a day, three months is better than one… Whatever comes out is better than formula. So far the psychology of that seems to be working! :)
Getting used to the au pair is a different story. Again, Emma seems to be doing well with her. She never seems distressed in the mornings when I leave (as long as I smile - she doesn't seem to notice if the smile is a bit watery!), and when I get home in the evenings she's happy. Yesterday I got home and she was asleep. When she woke up she of course started to cry, but as soon as she saw me this huge smile lit up her face. Moments like that make everything worth it! Still, I watch like the mama bear that we all are, and I check her every day for rashes and mysterious bumps or bruises, and I search her face anxiously for any other possible signs of unhappiness. I do like the au pair, but admittedly it's not so easy getting used to having someone else living with us and getting to spend more time with Emma than I do. It's rewarding to know she's well-cared for when I see her smiling at the au pair, but there's also that stab of envy, especially when the au pair does something to make her laugh that I didn't know. This morning even Emma was all smiles with me, but when I left her with the au pair to get dressed, I could hear them "talking", and it was really like Emma was having a conversation with her! She was babbling and giggling. Made me want to throw my pajamas back on and play hooky and never leave the house again! On the flip side I suppose it's good, Emma gets exposed to other games and things that in truth the au pair has more experience at, just hard to watch. The au pair already promised that she basically wouldn't tell me if Emma did anything really dramatic (like walking) so that whenever she does it for me and my hsuband it will be (for us) the first time. The au pair told me the other day that someone at the grocery store mistook Emma for hers, and since they offered her a baby dicsount card she happily let the mistake go. She asked me later if I minded someone thinking Emma was hers. Even as I rationally said no, especially if she got discounts for it, my heart was screaming "Yes! Of course I mind!" That's MY baby! In some ways I think it's good that we're only planning to have the au pair for about 6 months. It gives Emma a great start, but I don't know if I could really manage having someone else make such a deep impression on her. I hear these stories of other families where the au pair was practically part of the family and stayed with them for years and years, and I can't imagine it. I just don't think I could do that.
Anyway, I suppose I have digressed far from the topic of breastfeeding, but it's all wrapped up together for me this week. Did have the experience yesterday of having to pump for the first time from an office not my own. I had a meeting across town for the day, so off I went with my little black backpack… After some awkwardness (mostly on my part), a kindly contact there donated his office for the cause. I find that surprisingly most people I've dealt with now have been supportive - it's mostly just me that feels weird asking! Did OK though, and probably every encounter like that will make me more confident doing this.
Funny, I've noticed that talking about Emma and breastfeeding tends to make me have letdown… In other words, time to go pump!
posted by me at 9:58 AM
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