end of week 4...
Thursday... (excerpted from an email to my support group)
This week things have definitely gotten better. Fewer tears and a lessening of the guilts. We've had some rough moments, but I'm learning to take those more in stride and not let them get out of proportion. A bad night is just a bad night, not a major disaster or (frighteningly) a new trend. A fussy day is just a fussy day. I've come to recognize that a good morning almost always means a rougher afternoon or evening, and vice versa, but a smile cures absolutely everything! In fact, we had a horrible night a few days ago (up 5 times! Ugh!) I was dragging pretty bad as I got up, but when I went to get Emma up, there she was sleeping like an angel with her arms flung out wide. As I looked at her, she opened her eyes a bit and there was that sleepy half-smile when she saw me and did her wriggly stretch. It's amazing how the whole night disappeared in an instant with all that love. Then the other day was maybe the first time I got home that Emma didn't know I was there right away. She was playing in her exersaucer and turned round the wrong way. I snuck up behind and spun her around, and when she saw me this giant beautiful smile bloomed up all over her face. Now THAT's a moment worth waiting for! She can smile all day long at the au pair as long as I get to come home to that. I admit to only one real sad spell this week, and that was one of those times when I was sneaking off to the irresistible babycenter web site at work and came across a string of comments about all these mommies reading books to their babies. I love to read, and one of my own fondest memories that I hope to repeat with Emma is sitting with my mother on the couch reading (and both eating bowls of cherries and blueberries). So many of the comments talked about how these moms are reading at naptimes, several times during the day… I do try to read to Emma, but it's so hit or miss in the evenings whether she'll be in the right mood (quiet, but not too tired and not hungry) to sit for more than a few seconds. So, a quiet wish for more time in that sense. Still, we do what we can and I know the au pair is reading to her too, so even if it's not all me maybe she'll still learn to love it.
Tomorrow I have a glorious day off (playing hooky), and my husband and I are stealing it away to go to New York City by ourselves. Gasp! A romantic adventure? Can it be? I will NOT feel guitly, and I will enjoy every minute! Of course, we might have to stop in FAO Schwartz - it's a NYC landmark after all, right? And if we happen to find something to bring home to our munchkin, well, that's OK, right?
Anyway, again, hope you are all good and may nursing still be a pleasure. 4 and a half months for us - did I ever really think we'd make it this far?
This week things have definitely gotten better. Fewer tears and a lessening of the guilts. We've had some rough moments, but I'm learning to take those more in stride and not let them get out of proportion. A bad night is just a bad night, not a major disaster or (frighteningly) a new trend. A fussy day is just a fussy day. I've come to recognize that a good morning almost always means a rougher afternoon or evening, and vice versa, but a smile cures absolutely everything! In fact, we had a horrible night a few days ago (up 5 times! Ugh!) I was dragging pretty bad as I got up, but when I went to get Emma up, there she was sleeping like an angel with her arms flung out wide. As I looked at her, she opened her eyes a bit and there was that sleepy half-smile when she saw me and did her wriggly stretch. It's amazing how the whole night disappeared in an instant with all that love. Then the other day was maybe the first time I got home that Emma didn't know I was there right away. She was playing in her exersaucer and turned round the wrong way. I snuck up behind and spun her around, and when she saw me this giant beautiful smile bloomed up all over her face. Now THAT's a moment worth waiting for! She can smile all day long at the au pair as long as I get to come home to that. I admit to only one real sad spell this week, and that was one of those times when I was sneaking off to the irresistible babycenter web site at work and came across a string of comments about all these mommies reading books to their babies. I love to read, and one of my own fondest memories that I hope to repeat with Emma is sitting with my mother on the couch reading (and both eating bowls of cherries and blueberries). So many of the comments talked about how these moms are reading at naptimes, several times during the day… I do try to read to Emma, but it's so hit or miss in the evenings whether she'll be in the right mood (quiet, but not too tired and not hungry) to sit for more than a few seconds. So, a quiet wish for more time in that sense. Still, we do what we can and I know the au pair is reading to her too, so even if it's not all me maybe she'll still learn to love it.
Tomorrow I have a glorious day off (playing hooky), and my husband and I are stealing it away to go to New York City by ourselves. Gasp! A romantic adventure? Can it be? I will NOT feel guitly, and I will enjoy every minute! Of course, we might have to stop in FAO Schwartz - it's a NYC landmark after all, right? And if we happen to find something to bring home to our munchkin, well, that's OK, right?
Anyway, again, hope you are all good and may nursing still be a pleasure. 4 and a half months for us - did I ever really think we'd make it this far?
posted by me at 11:40 AM
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