Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Empathy? Telepathy? Imagination?




A question I posed to a few of my closest mother friends recently...

Do you think there is some sort of empathetic or even telepathic connection between mothers and their children? I know it’s a weird question, but the last few nights I've noticed something…

So, in the past I know the nights I've tried to get Emma to sleep when I was wired or stressed were always the hardest to get her to sleep. I figured that was because we're still nursing, and holding her in my arms I'm sure she can feel the tension in my body. She definitely falls asleep better when I'm happy and quiet, and even more so recently if I'm happy enough to sing to her. The nights I'm most frustrated because she won’t go to sleep she just gets more and more clinging and I know for sure it's because she senses something is wrong. But the last few nights, I've noticed something more. It started happening that when I woke up at night, a few minutes later she'd wake up. I thought maybe it was that she'd actually been making some sound that I heard in my sleep that woke me, but I wouldn't hear her fuss for a bit after I woke. Now there have been two nights in a row when after I got up and nursed her back to sleep, she's been a bit fussy still in her crib. Not all out crying, but a few little cries every couple of minutes. I myself have been feeling angry and stressed these past two nights (not over her), so whenever I wake up, the old brain kicks in and disquiet follows… But after I'd nursed her and went back to bed, I told myself I was not going to go back and get her if she wasn't fully crying. She was fed, she was fine, she just needs to learn. What I noticed was that when I quieted myself, she got quieter. At one point I was trying to put myself to sleep despite her noises by telling myself that God is watching her, she's fine, go to sleep baby. It became almost a little mantra in my head, and I focused on that, like I was meditating, pushing all other thoughts from my head. And amazingly, as long as I kept that up, she got quiet! As soon as some other rotten thought intruded, she'd start crying again, and as surely as I pushed the thoughts out and focused on my mantra again, she'd quiet. Mind you, she is not in my room, she's in her room in her crib that's down the hall and around the corner, so it's not remotely possible that she can physically hear me. (I wasn't moving anyway, was trying to lie still and breathe and relax.) Have you ever noticed anything like this? Surprisingly, I mentioned this to my own mother and she immediately told me she does believe there is a connection - in fact, the last few nights she's been feeling pissy herself for absolutely no reason! I remember during my pregnancy saying often that whenever I was stressed she got really quiet, and when I was happy she seemed happy and kicking too. I figured this was purely a physical thing, something about muscle tension or maybe chemicals. But now I'm wondering… What do you think?

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