Standing up and letting go

Well, as usual when a month goes by, so much has happened! Where to begin? Christmas was a blast, with my parents here to help out and watch her grow. The week they arrived she really started to try and crawl. So amazing and so frustrating to watch her work at it! She lays on her belly, looking at us, reaching out for us, and moving... backwards! Somehow she just can't quite figure out how to move forward, and each push with her hands sends her the wrong way. Poor thing, she's trying so hard! She yells LOUD with each attempt and I just know any day now she'll figure it out. Dad (Grandpa) especially seemed to really enjoy trying to teach her. In fact, he's completely head over heels over the moon in love with this little girl! Still doesn't change a diaper, but he's quick to pick her up or (ouch) kneel on the floor when she needs someone. Mom says he's also been seriously inspecting every toy and gift destined for her little hands too, sometimes even taking them apart just to see if SHE can. Admittedly, it was also nice having him around to build the radio flyer wagon that Glen's parents sent her too... Saved us the frustration, assured him that it was built safely, and allowed him to be part of their gift. Then he got to push her around in it. Her first "laps", and boy did she love them! She squealed and waved her little arms and rocked back and forth every time he stopped. Faster, Granpda, faster was the clear message! More, more! Lord, she's the greatest!

The week after they left was alittle rougher. Our au pair came down with some nasty throat thing, complete with 103 degree fever, so I spent the week after New Year's off work and finding things to do to keep us out of the house. We spent lots of time at the mall... We did spend one day at Ikea, which Emma loved. It was like Disneyworld. She sat in her stroller and looked and looked and smiled at everything. What agreat place for her - piles of brightly colored objects, people, twists and turns, and of course a new toy. Although I have to admit to some frazzle staying with her at home for a whole week (OK, maybe alot by the end of the week), still, it's so different getting to spend days at a time with her instead of snatches of evenings and weekends. Did make me stop and think though. When I'm working all the time, it's easy to think I might want to stop working and stay home with her, or with the next one. But the truth is, after two weeks at home, I am tired and looking for ways to be myself and not mommy for awhile. Even just looing for excuses to wear nice clothes. Is that wrong? So, long hard realization that maybe I shouldn't stay home... But then what? Maybe find something part-time, something that at least gets me away for a bit. Not worrying about it, just letting thoughts settle and waiting to see what comes...