To my baby girls
Well, it's 35 weeks now. At last check, baby#2 is a little over 5 pounds, and all systems are go. It could be any day, or it could be 5 weeks. I feel ready to meet our new little miracle, but also scared. How will Emma take this new addition? I hope she will not be too confused and that we can make this a good time for her too. She has her new room and new bed and all the things we can possibly think to do for her, but I know none of this will make the reality of not being the "only" any different. I hope she will adjust quickly and that she will never for a minute think we don't love her every bit as much.
I guess my bigger fear, tonight, is that something should happen to me. Would my first baby, my darling Emma, remember me? Singing to her tonight, I wonder if she would remember my voice at all, or the songs I've sung her so many times. Would she remember what it felt like to have my arms around her, hugs in so many wonderful ways and with so many smiles? I hope so. I would not give up being her mother for anything in the world, this brave amazing loving daughter of mine. She is my joy and my sunshine.
And the new baby, whose name I say in my heart but who we haven't met yet. Would she ever know I love her already? I've never felt her weight in my arms or seen her face or her tiny fists or smiles, but I love her still. Would she remember the way I run my hands over my belly, protecting her and touching as much of her as I can? Would her father ever be able to express how much her mommy longs for her?
I don't mean any of this in a morbid way. It's just tonight all this love feels so huge, and time feels so preciously small. I don't think a lifetime is even enough to feel all this or begin to express it. My baby girls. Thank you, God. Please watch over them, and over me, and over their father. Let them know all their lives that we love them and cherish them. Let them know I would give them the world. Let them be able to feel my arms around them even when I am not there, and let your bigger love surround them constantly. My baby girls.
I guess my bigger fear, tonight, is that something should happen to me. Would my first baby, my darling Emma, remember me? Singing to her tonight, I wonder if she would remember my voice at all, or the songs I've sung her so many times. Would she remember what it felt like to have my arms around her, hugs in so many wonderful ways and with so many smiles? I hope so. I would not give up being her mother for anything in the world, this brave amazing loving daughter of mine. She is my joy and my sunshine.
And the new baby, whose name I say in my heart but who we haven't met yet. Would she ever know I love her already? I've never felt her weight in my arms or seen her face or her tiny fists or smiles, but I love her still. Would she remember the way I run my hands over my belly, protecting her and touching as much of her as I can? Would her father ever be able to express how much her mommy longs for her?
I don't mean any of this in a morbid way. It's just tonight all this love feels so huge, and time feels so preciously small. I don't think a lifetime is even enough to feel all this or begin to express it. My baby girls. Thank you, God. Please watch over them, and over me, and over their father. Let them know all their lives that we love them and cherish them. Let them know I would give them the world. Let them be able to feel my arms around them even when I am not there, and let your bigger love surround them constantly. My baby girls.
posted by me at 5:08 PM
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