Let It Go

Some days I just need to find a way to let it go.  I stare around at my messy house, which never, despite all my efforts, ever seems to be really clean.  If it's not one room, it's the next, and the next torn apart by my children as fast as I can put it back.  Powdered sugar and crayons on the kitchen table, legos and pieces of an art project and a doll shirt and a cup on the floor, a stray Christmas decoration lingering on the dining room table waiting to be boxed, schoolwork, ballet slippers, lasagna cooling on the stovetop next to this morning's pan.  Some days I can't seem to stand it and this week many days I feel so badly the lack of alone time, so crowded as if the next person to say Mommy or to tug on me might either send me screaming or curled up in the corner begging not to be touched anymore.  But then I think, this is all just drama.  It's all silliness, and when seen through the eyes of thankfulness it's completely ridiculous.  Am I really so badly off?  Seriously?  I have a roof over my head, a very nice one at that, more room than we honestly need by a long shot, too many toys and clothes and stuff, all our health (relatively, ignoring the random colds), more food than we can eat and leftovers that I always forget rotting.  So much, too much really, and here I am sulking.  I KNOW I should be thankful, I am thankful, but sometimes applying that takes more strength than I think I have.

But, I still can't wait for that alone time.